Bethenny, Ramona, and The Countess go to the beach. Ramona said she didn't want to actually go out in the water. So she stayed ashore with Jill, who was dressed ….strangely. The best part was seeing the Countess ass up in the water.
Finally the Countess's devoted laundry slave Rosie was back from her selfish trip back home to the Philippines. The poor children were terribly excited to see their real mother. since they had to endure a month of their horrid pseudo-mother complaining about washing dishes and being confused about laundry. Puh-lease. You know how to do the damn laundry. You just don't want to. Don't pretend like you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth. So real
Anyway, it was sad to see how desperately glad the children were to have their true mother figure back in the house. Rosie gave them all presents, The Countess then immediately escorted Rosie down to the laundry room.
Next Jill, Ramona and the Countess met for lunch. LuAnn announced that her gross parental negligence just wasn't enough, so her daughter needed to be in boarding school. Anyway, LuAnn doesn't really give a fuck that her daughter can't stand to be around her, because boarding school just seems really fancy. Plus, she told Ramona, it's a "family tradition."
Ramona was horrified that LuAnn would send her children away, because she wants her daughter to be close by so she can love her . Kinda creepy. Kinda Vicki Gunvalson-ish Then Jill told them about her arthritis benefit, and Ramona said she couldn't do it because she was just too busy! Then she remembered that her daughter had arthritis and yeah, maybe she could help
Meanwhile, Simon and Alex were wandering around their crumbling shack, talking about spa treatments. Part of the "package" of renting their shitty shack was that a comically big-breasted psychic/masseuse/sauna-turner-on-er would come by the house and be horrified by Simon's physique. She wasn’t the only one horrified. Alex said she was just always too damn busy in the city to get proper spa treatments, but she probably owed this to herself as their Hamptons trip had been anything but relaxing! What with all the parties and social climbing.
So Jeana , the homeowner, showed up and Simon was clad only in a towel. After she recovered from the stroke, she escorted them to a closet that someone had put a hibachi in. This was known as the Sauna at Hill House. Simon loved sitting in a dark room full of steam. Then it was time for strange warm things to be wrapped around Simon's body while his wife was at the pool, As Simon lay there, he wanted to remind us that just because he simply adored spa treatments and got them all the time, it doesn't mean he's gay. Right, Simon. Alex got a card reading that said she was coming into property soon. She was thrilled.
Kelly fell off a horse. Oh well.
Next up the Countess took her soon-to-be-departing daughter and all of her friends to a nice lunch. Oh how nice! LuAnn wants to wish her daughter bon voyage! Yay! And what does any girl who's about to leave everyone she knows behind to go to a strange school faraway want to do with her last hours in the Hamptons? Listen to her pseudo-mother go on about proper manners, as will be demonstrated in her NEW BOOK. So, yes, Countess used her daughter's farewell luncheon to plug her new book while the poor fleeing girl's friends looked on in horror.
Bethenny Frankel Jill Zarin, and Countess went to a gay party that was supposedly attended by a who's-who of New York's gay glitterati. Which, in Real Housewives-speak, translates to a bunch of old men wearing salmon-colored shirts and weeping. Countess wore a big costume of large glasses and a turban, while Bethenny cut up a rug with a bunch of gay dudes who she'd previously screamed at. For being gay while she’s looking for a man. It was enlightening and enriching. There were hotdogs there!! Get it?????
Kelly was competing in another horse show and Ramona showed up. Wearing a ridiculous outfit of safari junk on top, Bermuda shorts and heels on the bottom. When Leather ignored her, Ramona got very upset. Well.
Ramona landed at a party that Russell Simmons was hosting for Arts and Kids and Things. She marveled at the trees and flowers that had suddenly grown large and were talking to her. Normally this would be just a regular Ramona day, but today everyone could She got in a fight with Jill about tennis that made no sense. And then.... Oh lord. And then she bumbled up to Governor Patterson, who was at the party, and, to hear Jill tell it, got in an argument with him about who was blinder. Patterson, or Ramona with her glasses off. She walked up to him and immediately asked "Aren't you blind or something?" Unbelievable.
There was a big horsey show for the fugitive daughter of the Countess and she wanted all of her friends to come. The Count was a no show. So LuAnn's feathers got publicly ruffled and Bethenny was amused in her sarcastic, sardonic, acidic way.
Getting interesting. Watch what happens
No comments:
Post a Comment